DEMOTIVATED

Oh my word how i have been demotivated to do anything at all. LOL!!!!!!

My life is full of challenges. Literally. I sign up for challenge after challenge, some are on my own and some are with a group. One week I say “no sugar” the next I say “no alcohol” and my first ultimate challenge, “make it to the crossfit games.” Every challenge ultimately ends prematurely with me saying “this wasn't the right one for me, let’s try a different one.”

I feel like my next challenge should be to “LIVE freely Talia, SANS CHALLENGES.”

Maybe I find self-worth in competing for something… except I never finish or “win” so not sure the meaning behind that.

Ummmm completed? Not yet

Anyway current challenge(s) because yes I am in 2 NUTRITION CHALLENGES AT THE MOMENT.  

1. Biggest Loser Challenge is challenge 1. This is easy; it’s basically whoever loses the most percentage of weight wins. The first weigh-in was ugly. Then I refused to even weigh in the next week because I knew it would be worse. Then I decided I would weigh in the third week and what a mistake that was, according to the scale, which I’m pretty sure if broken, said I gained 4 pounds since week 1. Liar. Then I got my sh*t together that week, worked out a lot and weighed in again the following week and I lost like 5 pounds since week one (like 9 pounds if you could since the previous week, but the scale was lying then so I’ll let go of that) . Anyway I didn't work out once after that weigh in and ate nonstop since, so I refuse to weigh in again this week. I feel pretty confident I am going to win this challenge though. The challenge is super easy too because I don’t really do much different, other than try to be a little more strict with my food and exercise. Which clearly I’m not even doing so no different than living normally and WILLING myself to win.
   
2. Second challenge is a nutrition challenge through my (old) gym. Very difficult. It’s like a total health challenge counting sleep, water, exercise, processed foods, sugar, etc. I think I’m good at challenges and overall health – not compared to others in this challenge. The more points you have at the end of the week the better. We are at the end of week one and most people are ending week 1 with like 120-130 points and I ended with 75. 75 measly points, indicating my overall health is CRAPPY. So naturally my instinct is to do a third challenge, which will ultimately help me win challenge one and challenge two.
3. Challenge three is the Whole9 challenge. If I complete this I have to win the other two because it’s basically eating exactly the opposite of what I normally eat. I’ll let you read for yourself. This means NO ALCOHOL. Oh my lord how do I do that???? 
   
4. Maybe my 4^th challenge will be to learn to be HAPPY with myself and STOP challenging myself to always be better, better, better
   
   
   
   
   

I think it’s wonderful to try to better yourself, but I haven’t completed a “challenge” EVER. This saddens me.

Anyway I will document my ongoing (almost daily because this blog was a challenge and you see from my lack of entries I sort of failed at this also) challenges. Maybe it will help me finish to be SUCCESSFUL or maybe I’ll learn to f*ck challenges and just BE.